Love hurts, it hurts so much,
I don’t want it any more,
it makes me want to run away and hide,
I won’t do that,
I won’t I wont.
‘I told you when I came, I was a stranger’.
That is how it should be,
that way there is no pain, no loss,
Let it go, let it go, it doesn’t matter.
I am jealous, I want too much.
Learn not to want, learn not to care.
I want not to care.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter.
Take it all away.
Learn to be alone.
Learn not to care.
And if I stay?
What difference does it make?
I still won’t care.
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jackfrost
Pro - 2008-11-15 @ 20:12:36
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lucreziaborgia
Pro - 2008-11-15 @ 22:12:37
Don't run and hide, but stay and confront. Be happy to feel. It makes you the person you are. Somebody recently wrote to me. 'You are a beautiful person: do beautiful things'. Now, when I feel the cruel pinch of self-pity or misery, anger or the dangerous slipping of my self-respect, I remember those words and stay. One day, love will not hurt. xLux
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Melinda_blog
- 2008-11-15 @ 22:27:01
I'm not as beautiful as you.
Maybe I'm not capable of doing beautiful things.
That is what hurts.
That's what I'm trying to escape from.-
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lucreziaborgia
Pro
- 2008-11-16 @ 13:42:22
Actually, I would query that. I secretly know I am not a beautiful person at all. And I struggle doing beautiful things, yes. All the time. However, it is something to strive for; every time I have had a doubt over what to do, I thought of it: it is more beautiful to set a person free instead of prolonging living death. It is more beautiful to let go of what you really want when you realise you are never going to get it. It is more beautiful to live by your dreams, virtual or not, than die in the comfort of someone else's reality. It is more beautiful not to do beautiful things if you don't want to, and just be yourself, beautiful or not. Don't escape. Leave. Don't run. Walk thoughtfully. Don't deny. Face it. Don't be scared. Love fully. xLux
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Melinda_blog
- 2008-11-16 @ 14:59:42
But what is the thing I really want that I will never get and have to let go of?
Could it be that thing is love?
That is what I have to let go of. And that is why I renounce it.
I love two people fully in this world, my son and my daughter.
What I have to face is the reality that I will probably never find anyone else to 'love' and be loved by in the other sense.
when I can do that, I will be strong enough to go.
did you read my post: 'Learning to swim'?
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lucreziaborgia
Pro
- 2008-11-16 @ 21:23:51
I have not read it but I will. Do not use your perfect maternal love as the needle by which to measure all the rest. Why think of love so much? Why not let it happen and analyse it less? For all that you have to let go... Use every weapon you possess. I only have one, but it is so powerful that, once I have been given a reason to use it, it burns everything else: jealousy. It destroys everything I feel inside. Leaves no trace. Incinerates all flesh. Kills all memories. It's fury and I have no control over it. I am scared and yet I am grateful. You must have yours.
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Melinda_blog
- 2008-11-16 @ 22:29:01
Why not let it happen? There is no chance of it happening. Saying 'let it happen' makes it sound like something that could happen, if only i would stop resisting it, as though love were battering at my door and I were turning it away.
I am tired of waiting for it to happen. How is it ever going to happen? Who with? Every time I ever felt it was happening it has led to disappointment because it was not returned. I am so sick of that disappointment, that hurt, I am sick of waiting for something I know I'll never have.
I'll settle for friendship and sex, if I can get them.
Asking for love is probably the easiest way of driving them both away.
and don't talk to me about jealousy. You can't even begin to imagine how ironic that sounds, coming from you.
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lucreziaborgia
Pro
- 2008-11-17 @ 09:33:59
What I meant, my little nest of aspids, was that if you should stop looking you'd become relaxed enough to welcome it into your life without thinking about it. I cannot believe I should tell you that: you definitely have more chances than me at the moment! As for jealousy...I have been insanely jealous, and murderous in intentions, but NEVER against the woman. In fact, I'd welcome some female attention towards the object of my affections, because it would just confirm that I am right in coveting him. What I do not condone is betrayal (rich, coming from me, I know), second agendas, and HIS response to female attention. Why be jealous of me? I am but an idea, and not a good one either. I do not fit, I do not comply. I do not respond nor feel. I am my own avatar. Ironic, really. And sad. xLux
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Melinda_blog
- 2008-11-17 @ 22:24:46
But the whole thrust of that gin-infused, embittered rant was that I am NOT looking, I do not INTEND to look, I repudiate the whole tarnished and discredited concept of 'lurve' and will settle for sex and friendship - perhaps from the same source, or perhaps from multiple sources, it matters not.
More chances than you? What about the delectable Mr Nice, who appears far more accessible and avaialable than Himself - or is he just an avatar too?
Jealous? Well, I admit I may be guilty of sloppy English (unforgivable!) in making the common error of casually conflating 'jealousy' with 'envy' for the sake of a sharp retort. It is fairer to say that I envy you, because what cause would I have to be jealous?
But the mere idea of female attentions towards the object of my affections (were such a creature to exist) drives me to despair, because my chronically low self esteem - as you may have noticed - convinces me that any man, when given a choice, would certainly prefer someone so much younger, more beautiful and sexier should she happen to whoosh her skirts and click her stilettos in his direction. Why would I waste my energies trying to compete? Might as well just give up and slink back into the shadows.
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lucreziaborgia
Pro
- 2008-11-18 @ 08:02:18
So you will dissect love and slice it into lesser cubes of sex and friendship. A very good plan, and certainly less dangerous than seeking the whole. Perhaps, in time, I shall do the same.
You ought try whooshing your skirts and clicking your stilettos. It affords a pleasure and the intense scrutiny of one's fragile attention for a brief moment. If it is sex that you are after, that should definitely do the trick.
I live in those shadows you mention a lot more than you think. Perhaps we should meet there sometime.-
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Melinda_blog
- 2008-11-20 @ 08:46:13
so now I'm a coward?
OK, maybe I am, but with good reason.
My experience of love is spending months, if not years longing for someone I can't have, who may or may not even know that I want him (the ones I have let know usually waste no time in telling me that it's not mutual, so I have learnt to keep my feelings to myself), scrutinising his every word and action towards me, dissecting it to try and find out whether or not there is any hope, and alternating between euphoria and despair.
That kind of love is a fool's game, and I'm sick of being a fool.
I can feel it starting up again and I hate it and I hate myself for being such a fool as to start falling for it again.
I never, ever, ever, ever ever want to feel like that again.-
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lucreziaborgia
Pro
- 2008-11-21 @ 09:28:41
Hey, keep you mane on, my friend. How is that accusing you to be a coward? Seeking less dangerous pursuits does not make one a coward. It's simply a choice. It might even make you a more sensible person than I, that's all. In any event, I may be taking an even less dangerous road myself..One of emotional comfort and not drama, of armchair and not go-kart, of books and not assault courses. Like you, I never ever ever want to feel like that again. What a pair we are. xLux
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Melinda_blog
- 2008-11-21 @ 21:00:37
I lived with the armchair and the books, but I never found the emotional comfort.
Maybe the difference between us is that you know that you will always be able to find someone who will love you.
I know how unlikely that is, which is why I have to resign myself to living without it.
If I can find friendship and sex, I will count myself fortunate. -
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lucreziaborgia
Pro
- 2008-11-21 @ 21:56:40
Watch my Imaginary Friend. Even he will run from the Room and Arianna. Trust me! xLux
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Melinda_blog
- 2008-11-21 @ 22:00:17
Ahhhhhh, but at least he went there in the first place.
I can't even get them through the door
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lucreziaborgia
Pro
- 2008-11-21 @ 22:12:35
He's having fun now! For private eyes only, of course.
Perhaps you should create a Room of your own, M. Amazing good fun if you try it.
xLux -
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Melinda_blog
- 2008-11-21 @ 22:30:00
Maybe.
but I don't think I have quite your imagination...
unless, of course, it's not imagination at all??? -
I love my mum, I love my dad
I love my son and brother,
I love my wife, I love my dog
I love them like no other.
I love my friends, I love my cat
I love the car I’m driving.
I love my house, I love my job
Even when I’m skiving.
The point I make that love is vast
But best if you’re receiving
But no one really knows if love
Is something worth believing?
jack frost 2008